Almost Christmas

Gareth settled in beside Autumn as she ate.

"Slow down love.", Gareth said as he gently rubbed her back.
"It's ok, let her be. I bet she's super hungry by now. Dr White said she needs rest and a nutritious diet to get her back on track. Which by the way, it is time for her check up with Dr White.", Pris explained as Nicholas joined them.

"Gareth, please accompany her to Dr White after she's done. It would be an update on her condition for you. I've got to look into the party preparation. Thank you.", Pris said. Gareth nodded.
~~~

After I was done eating, Gareth and I excused ourselves and headed over to Dr White's office. Gareth reached out and held my hand as we walked on in silence. I looked up to him. Tall and striking. I stopped in my tracks, and Gareth turned to look at me.

"Gareth, I...", I began slowly.
"What is it, my love?", Gareth asked as he gently push a lock of hair out of my face.
"I'm sorry.", I said slowly and reached out to gently hold his hand.
"It was not your fault to start with. Don't blame yourself for what happened.", Gareth said gently, his hand gently cupping my cheek. I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes and sighed.
"Come on, let's go or we will be late for your appointment with Dr White.", he said and urged me to walk on. I did not move.

"Autumn?", Gareth asked, concern and worry in his eyes.
"Gareth, I think...", I tried again. Gareth looked at me intently, waiting patiently for me to continue.
"I don't... I think we should stop seeing each other anymore.", I said softly and slowly. Gareth eyes widen with shock and utter disbelief.
"Why? What's happened? Autumn.. Please..", Gareth said as he pulled me close and held me tight. I tried to push myself away from his arms, but his strong arms only held me closer.
"Please don't do this Autumn. I can't lose you, not after losing Chloe.", Gareth whispered in my ear. I shook my head.

"I can't go on.. We never started in the first place. With Chloe now gone, you don't have a scandal and you can move on with your life, as I can with mine.", I explained as I pushed myself away from his arms.
"Autumn, chéri..", Garth pleaded, his eyes glistered with his tears.
"I'm sorry, I just cannot go on. I don't hate you, I just.. I see Chloe everytime I look at you. I cannot--", I explained as tears rolled down my cheeks. Gareth pulled me close again and kissed me.

"Chloe will always be with us. Autumn, I can't do this without you by my side. I need you.", Gareth said as he rested his forehad onto mine after we parted.
"I can't do this.", I whispered.
"Tell me what can I do to make things better, to make you change your mind.", Gareth whispered, almost begging.
"There's nothing you can do. Let me go. Gareth, you don't--", I began.

"Don't say it. Don't say that you don't deserve a guy like me, don't say that you're not for me because you are. Please Autumn, rethink this. Give me some time to show you that we are meant to be. You and I, we make a great team together. Don't give up now, not when I have not asked you again to be mine.", Gareth whispered, pain and confusion in his voice.
"I-- No, please don't make this harder than it is.", I said and pushed myself away from Gareth. I looked up at him, and wiped my tears.
"I'm sorry.", was all I said and walked on to Dr White's office.
~~~

Gareth stood in the hallway. Alone, confused and upset. He looked up and Autumn was already gone. Should he go after her or leave her along to sort things out? She needed someone around her for her check up with Dr White. He was confused. Things were going on fine between them. What had happened? She had asked him not to leave her earlier.

"Gareth?", a voice called out. Gareth looked up.
"Mum?", he answered. Monique stood a few steps away from him.
"My dear boy, what happened? You look an awful wreck.", Monique asked as she walked up to him and touched her son's forehead, checking for a fever.
"Mum, could you accompany Autumn for her check up?", Gareth asked him mum. She nodded, but confused by her son's request.
"Should you not go instead? Autumn needs you.", Monique said gently.
"She does not.", Gareth said quietly and walked in the opposite direction, back to the main hall.

Monique quickly walked down the hallway, and stopped at Dr White's office. She had followed Priscilla's instructions. Signages along the way helped. Monique knocked on the door and entered Autumn was seated on the examination bed, looking an absolute wreck. A gentleman smiled and greeted her.

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?", Dr White greeted.
"I'm here with Autumn. My son was supposed to come, but he's busy at the moment.", Monique explained as she stepped in and closed the door.
"Ah! Machioness St Claire, please take a seat.", Dr White said as he led her to a chair.
"How is she?", Monique asked quietly. Dr White only sighed.

"If only she would make the effort. It seems like she's lost every single thing about herself when she lost the baby. It's been hard on her and everyone around her since she returned form the hospital. Family support will help, but it can't be helped that her family is in Australia. Priscilla and everyone here are doing all they can to make things better for her. But for now, it looks like she has given up on herself. I just hope that this is only temporary once she gets over her loss.", Dr White explained in an undertone.

"Baby? She lost her baby?", Monique asked quietly, shocked. Dr White nodded.
"How? When?", Monique asked, still in shock.
"An attack from her abusive ex-boyfriend.", was all Dr White said and went over to Autumn.

Monique looked at Autumn, her hand clenched her skirt. Monique sighed, and took a few deep breaths. It's no wonder Gareth looks so terrible. That son of hers should be here with Autumn. Monique made a mental note to speak to her son after this. She looked up at Autumn, who and acknowledged her presence. Monique smiled and went up to her.

"Monique. What are you doing here?", Autumn asked in surprise.
"I heard what happened from Gareth and made my way here to see how you are.", Monique explained.

"Well then, we need to do a quick ultrasound to check your womb. But everything is in order. The bruises are healing nicely, just remember to take you medicine, rub the ointment on, and take your meals. Autumn, you need to eat. I've been hearing from Mag that you have not touched your food the past 2 days.", Dr White nagged and reminded. Autumn only nodded, staring at the monitor, Monique noticed.

"Everything is in order. There is no major injury to your womb, but you still need to rest and allow your body to recover from the stress of the miscarriage.", Dr White said as he looked at monitor.

"Will she still be able to have children, Dr White?", Monique asked. Autumn looked at Monique, as if unable to comprehand the question.
"Everything looks fine. Rest, no stress and a good nutiritous diet will have her back in action in no time. There is no permanent damge to her womb or any of her reproductive organs. Autumn will still be able to conceive and carry a child to full term once she is fully recovered. It is a good thing that she is still young.", Dr White explained to Autumn and Monique.
"Don't worry Autumn. Everything will be just fine. You are young. You can always try again.", Dr White said to Autumn with a gentle pat on her shoulder and a smile.
"Thank you Dr White. I'm sure that Autumn needed to know that.", Monique said with a smile.
"Well then, that is it. We are done.", Dr White said as he cleaned up.
~~~

Monique and I left the doctor's office together.

"I'm sure that Dr White's conclusion is enough of a relief for you?", Monique asked, as she hooked her arm in mine. I kept silent.
"I'm sorry for your loss Autumn, but it was not your fault. If Gareth had it any other way, he would not have let what happened to you happen. He needs to know that you are doing fine. He is just as upset as you are about your loss. It is afterall his child too.", Monique said gently.
"I.. He said he wanted children with me.", I said softly, tears streaming down my face.
"I thought it will never ever happen again. I overheard Dr White telling Pris that there might be chance that I may have problems having children, due to the trama my womb went through with the attack and miscarriage.", I continued, sobbing. Monique stepped in front of me and hugged me. I cried.

"I would be just as afraid if I heard such news. But everything is alright now.", Monique assured me. I shook my head.
"Why, my dear?", she asked and stroked my hair.
"I told Gareth that we should stop seeing each other. I thought... I thought... I didn't want him to know. Gareth would be upset if I couldn't have... He wants children, we've talked about it. I would have let him down with.. I didn't know..", I stammered in between heavy sobs.
"Oh you silly goose! Gareth would still love you all the same. It would upset him at first, but at the end of the day, he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, with or without children. There are other ways to concieve, if it had to come to that.", Monique gently chided me. I cried somemore.

"Come my dear. Let's get you back to rest up. Dr White has said no stress. Come on, chin up my dear. We are not going to lose to this.", Monique said and led me back to my room.
~~~

There was another 2 days to the Christmas party. I had only seen glimpse of Gareth every now and then. He found all possible ways to avoid me. If I had breakfast at 9, he'd have his at 10. If I was in the kitchen having tea with Nic, he'd bring his tea to the terrace and had it with his parents. At dinner, he would sit 2 seats away, on the same side, so I won't be able to see him or speak to him. Pris and Nic realised what was going on, and urged me many a times to speak to him. As they did to him as well. But as I tried to get to him, he kept running. I felt guilty, and wanted to explain things to him, if I could get hold of him that was.

"Monique, please.", I pleaded with Monique.
"I'm sorry darling, he does not want to speak to you. I've tried everything, but even he would not hear me out.", Monique said with a sigh. I looked at her helpless.
"Maybe you can try asking Nicholas for help.", Monique suggested. I only nodded, thank her and left. Edwardo and Philip had arrived a day later after Monique. He only shrugged, not knowing how to convince his son as well. Philip was at a loss too.

There were guests I had to greet. Of course, Pris would not let me work, and took everything out of my hands. I bargained with her to at least let me greet the guests, or I'd die of being useless around the Manor. She relactantly agreed, only because Dr White suggested that I start moving around, and not stay in bed all day. She had noted that I was getting better, and my mood was getting better as well. As such, I went to the hotel to greet some familar faces.

It was then I bumped into Nicholas and Gareth. Gareth looked at me in surprise. Nicholas elbowed him, then pushed his friend forward, indicating that he should talk to me. I looked at them, but was interuptted by a farmilar face. I greeted and excused myself. Nic had held onto the Gareth. I thanked Nic and took Gareth's hand, and led him away.

"Autumn! What are you--", Gareth exclaimed as I dragged him along. Gareth pulled back and I stopped and fell backwards into his arms.
"Oaf!", as I landed against him, Gareth instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist to cushion my fall.
"I'm sorry, are you ok?", Gareth said as he quickly released his arms from me. I grabbed his hand, using of access card to open one of the hotel rooms, and pulled him in.

I checked the room to make sure that it was unused, then I stodd in front of Gareth and looked up at him.

"Autumn, this is not funny. Come on, let's get back.", Gareth said and walked towards the door. I looked at him.
"Why are you avoiding me?", I asked quietly. Gareth stopped in his tracks.
"I've been trying to speak to you.", I added as I stood there. My heart was racing. I did not know what was running through Gareth's head, if I was not able to look into his eyes. Gareth sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He turned to face me. His green eyes expressed hurt and confusion.
"You look well.", he said as he studied me from head to toe. I shivered slightly as his scrutiny.
"I've been getting better. Gareth, I need to--", I began.
"No, I don't want to hear it.", Gareth sad and turned towards the door.

I ran up and leaned against the door, not allowing him to leave the room.

"Autumn, please. Let me go, I cannot bear this.", Gareth pleaded, his eyes showed hurt and confusion. I shook my head.
"Please hear me out. I really need to tell you this. You can make your choice never to see me again after I'm done. Please Gareth.", I pleaded softly with him, and tugged at the end of his polo tee. Gareth looked at me and sighed. He took two steps backwards and turned towards the bed and sat down.
"Thank you.", I said softly and went over to sit beside him.

"Gareth, I.. We.. ", I stammered and took a deep breath. Gareth kept silent, waiting patiently for me to continue.
"Do you remember the time we went for a picnic at The Meadows a month back?", I asked Gareth. He nodded.
"We talked about many things and one of them were about children. How you wanted as many kids as you could have, how you wanted a huge family. If your first child was a girl, you would name her Chloe, if it were a boy, it would be--", I continued.
"Drake or Devon.", Gareth said, as he looked up to me with a small smile. I returned one, and felt him hold my hand.
"I also mentioned that I wanted children with you. And you rebutted that you are not a sow or a baby making machine, nor were you my girlfriend yet.", Gareth added and let out a soft, low laugh. I nodded and laughed softly along.

"There then lies the problem.", I said quietly. Gareth looked up and frowned.
"I thought... For one, I'm not yet your girl and I over heard Pris and Dr White talking once. He said something about me having problems having children in the future, as I had suffered alot of trama, being hit repeatedly in my womb area and also the stress of the miscarriage.", I explained slowly and took deep breaths in between words to keep from crying. I looked away and felt Gareth release his hold on my hand.
"I thought that--", I continued but was interupted by Gareth reaching out to hug me.
"Autumn, I will still love you no matter what happens. There are other ways to--", Gareth whispered in my ear as he held me.

"I did not want to disappoint you. You wanted so much to have children and--", I said as tears rolled down my cheeks, soaking his shirt.
"Hush my love. Everything will be fine. We will work something out.", Gareth assured me as he held me closer. I hiccuped and he sighed.
"Gareth, I thought it would be better if I left you. That way I won't disappoint you. But Dr White had assured me that I will be fine and I will still be able to conceive and carry a child to full term.", I explained. Gareth let out a sigh of relief.
"As long as you are fine, we will be able to work anything out together.", Gareth said as he released me and kissed me.
"I love you Autumn.", Gareth whispered.

I bit my lower lip and kept silent, holding back on my reply. Gareth did not push me for an answer, only holding me close.